Anything Under $500

If you don't check out the "Anything under $500" classifieds section in you daily newspaper, I don't know what to tell you.

It has made my morning on several occasions. Of course you can't go through them everyday, but you have to check out the Sunday edition at the very least. Why a comic hasn't made a million $$ off of just reading from this section for jokes is beyond me. I is another level of entertainment and as what Bill Simmons call "Unintentional Comedy." On a daily basis you can get everything from truck parts to trucks without parts, handguns and rifles on the cheap and don't forget the ammo, books to typewriters, golf clubs to guitars and handmade saddles to homemade biker jackets. Its a GOLD MINE!!!!!! Recently the Mrs and I bought 2 bikes for $150 together after we looked them up on the intraweb and found that both were going for more than that a piece online. Were they stolen? Repaired? To replenish lost 401k's? Who gives a shit! They would work.

I will say the best part about the experience was the trip to pick them up. I called and asked the gentlemen about the bikes he had in the paper, he was cordial and told me where he lived and we were off. Upon arriving there were 3 lil ones running around the fenced-in front yard while their 20-something mother, looking 40-something, puffed on an unnamed cigarette (but it was definitely of the 100-120 variety). They all ran up to me like we were in a 3rd world country and thanked me, weird.

So I walk up to the garage and the man, Ray, comes up and we introduce ourselves. He tells me, "Well, I lost the damn key to the shed." So I proceed, by request of Ray, to attempt to help him find them, they were supposedly on a red keyring. We tore apart his garage and went through countless toolboxes, storage closets, boxes and cars(he had 6 in the driveway). After about 15 minutes we decide to go with Plan B: Take all the extra keys we found during our search and a hammer in case none of them work.

Now, Ray was a nice enough guy, but I have to be honest; there were some concerns rushing through my head at that point. Rachel's in the car by herself, I'm really going in the backyard of this guy's with the hope of breaking into his shed? "It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again!!!"? And he has the hammer in his hand and a halfway house for yard equipment in the backyard!

Walking around the house I notice (no lie) there are a combined 9 lawnmowers that are all in some stage of death or repair, I couldn't decide. So we get to the shed and check a couple of keys to no avail. Ray goes, "Well let me see if I can pop the lock off with the Hammer." To which I replied, "Man, I'd hate for you to break that lock." "No problem," Ray said, and WHAM! before I could blink he takes a swing at the damn thing! He hits it 3-4 times but it doesn't bust. I asked if I could try a couple of the keys I had brought from his garage and he decides to allow it. On the 2nd key it opens. EUREKA! But now I'm about to open the door and Ray is behind me, this could be bad, right? I swing open the door and to my relief and dismay I see 2 more FUCKING lawnmowers! Really? And I would guess somewhere in the neighborhood of 25 different bicycles stored for selling. I asked him, "You bike much?" To which he just nodded and added,"Well this is the 2nd and 3rd bike I've sold this week, not to mention the mower yesterday afternoon." How bizarre.

Ray was a very nice, laid back guy and I would refer him to anyone looking for a cheap bike or mower, I was just really amazed at the whole situation.

So, that was our adventure on Tuesday and you should know that on Wednesday we rode the hell out of those bikes without incident.

Now, if you will take moment to check these items available in today's Tulsa World "Anything Under $500" section.

First Ad!

100 Adult DVD's, all high quality. $195 (HA!)

Belt Buckle - OU Beaded, $40 (This item has surely been claimed by now.)

BIRD painting by famous artist $50 (Real Famous or just Kinda Famous?)

COAT - Full-length duster type, denim, decorative, M-L, $20 (What? Make a mark in the fashion world fo ronly $20, I'm in.)

PLAYBOY special issues, '76-'93 collectibles, $300. (Pretty good deal as long as you don't mind sticky seconds)

Pajamas (2) Victoria Secrets gown, cute, like new, lg., $3 (insert joke here)

There are also 4 prom dresses of varying sizes and prices of which I wouldn't ;et my daughter touch with a 10-ft pole.

And finally, to just show how far our civilization has come there are 2 tix for Jerry Seinfeld going for $240 and 2tix for the Jonas Bros for $325. I CANTSTANDZYA!