Bleu's Blog: December 2008

This is for you single guys. If you're looking to get a girl and keep her, here are a few tips...

1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "Could be better." This will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign ofweakness. (Or--if she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really reallyhard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what astrong man youare).

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girlsare like dogs. They love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If She is, say "You better be." Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning.This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might beher fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement,and every girl needs some improvement.

6. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. Whenshe is, stare into her eyes mouth the words "F*ck You" and grab theother girls ass. Girls love competition.

7. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. drive for miles so shethinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burningtire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were justkidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then driveher home.When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like thatlean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because I can."

8. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick." Women love thosespecial nicknames.

9. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

10. Warm her up when she's cold...and not by giving her yourjacket...then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say"If you don't stop bitching about the cold right now you're going to bebitching about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.

11. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

12. If you care about her never ever tell her. This will only give herself confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deepdown desires to be.

13. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes,earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of thepair. This way she'll go crazy.

14. Take her out to dinner. Right when she's about to order interruptand say "No, she's not hungry." Make her watch you eat. Girls love aguy that speaks for her.

15. When its raining keep asking her if she's crying. She'll say "No,its just the rain." Ten minutes later turn to her and just scream "Stopcrying you f*cking baby!" Girls like a tough man as I've already stated.

16. Titty twisters...and plenty of them.

17. If you're listening to music and she asks to hear it, tell her no.This way she'll think you're mysterious.

18. Two words...Dutch Oven.

19. Remember her birthday but don't get her anything. Teach her material objects aren't important. The only thing that's important is that shekeeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can everget.

20. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or justwhenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then, next time you knowshe's coming over on a trash day, leave the trash can open and have thepresent visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like thisone that much but I think it's funny.

How in the world am I supposed to get anything done when this awaits me next Friday? It is December and should be slow, but sales peole at work are lucking into stuff and I'm running ragged. Well, I guess ragged isn't the word. But I'm moving extremely slow and unfocused as hell at this point.

In other news, the Hogs picked up their 24th commitment of the recruiting season a few days ago from Lance Ray a wide receiver from Florida. This class is shaping up to be the best recruiting class the University had ever seen. I, for one, am absolutly extatic about the next 3 years. Go Bobby Go!

I also advanced in my fantasy football playoffs last night by the slimest of margins 92-91. It took Steve Smith putting up 22 pts for me. I'm the only person to win in the first round that was ranked higher than my opponent, so as of now I'm the favorite to win it. Not trying to jinx it just stating facts. 2 titles in 3 seasons would definitely put me on the verge of a dynasty.

My birthday week is finally over, that sucks. Good presents, good times. Made turning thirty pretty easy.